Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
