How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
