When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
