the condom got lost in my hair
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
