whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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