I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
