some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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