Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
