Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We won't sleep together?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
