there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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