be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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