I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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