i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
