haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
