just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
