So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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