Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
