I hate all girls vehemently.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
