Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
