Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
