My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
