The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
