i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
