i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
