Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
