Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will pee on everything he values.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
