I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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