this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
