Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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