How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I won the penis lottery.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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