I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
