so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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