Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can't talk, ducks in the car
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
