We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
