Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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