She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
