I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
