Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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