My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
