these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
