Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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