You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
