You're so nebulous sometimes
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i will never coherently bang her
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
