We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
