I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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