apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
