I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
