So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
