She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
