you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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