Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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